Hello, friends! This week, I want to rant.
No, just kidding 😂 I recently stop seeing someone and want to share my thoughts.
Perhaps some of you are struggling with relationships, who knows this article somewhat relates to you…
I won’t mention his name or go into details to protect his privacy. After all, I like him and wish him well, though we don’t end up together.
We can like someone but be incompatible. Life happens.
Okay… I’ll start by sharing some of my “HAA??😦” moments.
There were times when I literally went “HAA??😦” inside when we were together. I don’t know how to explain them to you, so I’ll just share the day when I had most of that moments.
That was also the day when I had enough and triggered me to end the Dormammu loop.
Some of My “HAA??😦” Moments That Fateful Day
I felt hurt because he didn’t want to really be seen with me in public, to protect his image.
Yes, I was short and looked really young from afar.
Yes, our height difference and age gap were quite huge.
We didn’t do PDA (Public Display of Affection) to avoid someone taking photos of us and spreading nasty rumors to ruin his career, something like him going out with an underage girl.
He was a big shot and his reputation was important – I totally understand.
By the way, he was single (confirm). Not sure if he was seeing other girls too, though.
But it hurt when he walked in front of me, not beside me.
HAA??😦
I was an ordinary girl but I could also bump into people I knew and they asked, “Clara, why are you going out with an uncle??”
I was sure some people think that way. I didn’t care, but sadly, he seemed to care.
If you were a guy, imagine the girl that you were seeing didn’t want to walk beside you because you were short, you were fat, you were losing your hair, yadda yadda…
You know, things that you can’t control. How would you feel?
It hurt when I shouted his name and ran towards him, about to hug him, but he ignored me.
We didn’t see each other for a few weeks because he went overseas to work. I was excited when he suddenly called me and said that he was just landed in KL.
He remembered when I asked him to inform me once he landed!
Knowing that he missed local foods, I asked him what he felt like eating. We decided to go to a roadside food stall that went viral.
I came all the way to meet him. When I saw him from afar, I shouted his name and ran towards him, ready to hug him.
But when he saw me, he went into the car and just sat quietly in the corner.
HAA??😦
In the car, I could feel there was a wall between us, as if he was worried about what the Grab driver thought of us.
How did my lovely-couple-catchup go wrong?
We agreed about no PDA but surely there could be some exceptions! Who doesn’t hug their bae after being apart for a few weeks?
I ran towards him happily, for God’s sake. What went wrong??
When I shared with him in person about how I felt (him keeping his distance and avoiding my hug), he apologized many times.
He said he was exhausted.
HAA??😦
What did it have to do with him being exhausted? I thought hugging after being a few weeks apart was a natural reaction. It sounded like a lame excuse to me.
By that time, I realized that I was the only one excited. Maybe those days were not dates but ‘friendly meetups’ for him.
Noticing me turning quiet and upset, he apologized again and tried to make me happy.
Him: “How was the food?”
Me: “Good.”
Him: “Okay, next time I’ll order the black pepper pork…”
HAA??😦
I was really upset then he said he would take me to that roadside food stall again? Didn’t he notice that it was hot and smelly there, thanks to the satay seller nearby?
I didn’t expect him to take me to an expensive restaurant or do something grand to make it up. He had been sending me some videos of cool cafes, at least we could go there??
Somewhere with good food and drinks, a nice ambiance, where we could comfortably catchup and have deep conversations…
By the way, he was doing well financially! So, I didn’t feel I was being materialistic or entitled.
Okay, I understood that he was exhausted. So what? I also felt hurt and not appreciated.
I thought that was the end but then he said,
Him: “Can you massage my hand?”
HAA?? 🤯🤯🤯
So he didn’t want to be seen dating me in public, ignored me when I ran towards him for a hug, clueless about what a man’s gotta do when dating a woman…
…and asked me to massage his hand?
THE. AUDACITY.
I didn’t know if I should laugh or be angry. Seriously???
I knew some people were clueless because of the environment they grew up with, traumas, etc…
He said his parents didn’t care about him or miss him whenever he traveled for work.
I also remembered when he told me that his friends often invited him for meals or stayed at their homes when overseas. Even strangers who recognized him would treat him nicely.
Maybe he didn’t feel loved by his family so he didn’t know how to express his love towards others, and wasn’t sensitive to the little things.
Maybe he was used to people and admirers treating him in such a way, like a VIP, so he expected me to do the same.
All the “what ifs” and “maybes”, I had enough.
All I knew, he was an adult. It didn’t make sense.
I didn’t feel loved and appreciated. I wasn’t happy. The feelings turned out to be not mutual.
Even if it was true that he was clueless and awkward in dating, I didn’t want to be the one who always told him what a man’s gotta do in dating.
Some things are beautiful when they are initiated by the man himself…
I Put an End to the Dormammu Loop
The next day, I put an end to the Dormammu loop.
Actually, besides that day, there were some things that I had been tolerating. But I figured out that after around 2 months of being close to him, those little things were important to me.
Some people say the younger generation says ‘goodbye’ easily while the older generation keeps their vows ’till death do them apart.
I tried to understand his actions, tolerated things that actually didn’t make me happy, and even consulted a friend (he gave really good and objective thoughts about relationships 😉).
But you know what happens when people are too understanding or tolerant in relationships: at one point, they have enough.
To be fair, he always opened the car door for me. He also remembered things that I told him and put effort to improve (I could see it from his actions).
But again, as a woman, I feel some things are beautiful when they are initiated by the man himself. I want my man to take the lead, and we take care of each other.
Me before putting an end to it:
🥺: Are you sure you want to do it?
🤯: But a part of you isn’t happy. Follow your intuition and just do it!
🥺: Why don’t you talk about it rather than rage-quitting and blocking him?
🤯: You felt so hurt yesterday!! The faster it ends, the better it is.
🥺: Couple fights sometimes… Communication and compassion are keys.
🤯: What couple? Does he ever treat you like his girlfriend? Are you even happy with his lifestyle?
🤯: How many times do you want to be let down? Do you want to be trapped in the Dormammu loop?
🥺: …….
(typed something + clicked ‘blocked’)
To someone, if you read this and feel hurt because I blocked you, I’m sorry. I had to, or else I would be in a never-ending agony loop.
I like you and will always cheer for you, but I love me more.
To the readers, thank you for reading. If you’re in a relationship and feel torn, trust your intuition.
If your life was great before dating this guy/girl but now is full of heartaches/headaches, think about it. How long can you tolerate it? Is it worth it? Will it work in the long run?
Get rid of the scarcity mindset that makes you hold onto such relationships.
Keep an abundance mindset – there are still many available people in this world, you will meet someone new in the future, the effort and feelings will be mutual, etc…
All the best and have a wonderful week ahead 🌻🌻🌻
Also read: “5 Things I Learned from My Summer Holiday”
Also read: “That’s Amore: Some Love Lessons for This Week”
Also read: “Soweto Day Trip, Mandela House and more in South Africa”
****** Extra ******
Me consulting my friend about the second date.
Me: “Why did he secretly bring his friends? They pretended they were strangers and sat beside our table. But they were outside, at the smoking area…”
Franky (my friend): “It’s a bro filter.”
Me: “What’s that??”
Franky: “It’s like, ‘if my bro can’t accept this girl, there wouldn’t be next time’.”
Me: “Ooh…” 😄
Franky: “My girl did this to me. She suggested a restaurant, turned out the owner was her best friend.”
Me: “Ahahahha…. then?”
Franky: “So, this woman kept watching us. Then she saw her friend looked happy, I got her approval.”
Me: “No wonder he didn’t want to meet me first and go to the bar together… He was with his friends!”
Disclaimer: the conversation above is based on my intuition. The reality may be different. Fyi, those guys outside smiled at him and snapped some of our photos with their phones.
