Confessions of a Crossdresser

Buon giorno!

I hope everyone had a great weekend! I went to Bali for four days and returned to KL in a flowery mood. It was a great, lovely short trip with my boyfriend.

As you can see from the cover photo, we have a huge age gap. A friend asks me, “Are you for real?” haha… But hey! Age is just a number. We don’t get to choose who the heart wants.

It just happens…

You can deny or mask the truth, but you can’t lie to yourself. And then, out of a sudden, this friend of mine makes a shocking confession.

“Clara… I’m a crossdresser.”

The Heartbreaking, Beautiful Confession of a Crossdresser

I don’t expect that my friends are very supportive of this new relationship. Many of them give supportive comments and congratulate me, including this friend of mine.

“I feel encouraged that you’re following your heart. At least now I can tell you the truth… When I die, this cross-dressing hobby will be buried with me.”

We have quite a long chat… My jaws are literally dropped. He is someone who I considered manly and shows no sign of interest in girly stuff!

He grants me permission to share his story for this week’s blog post, hoping that it could inspire others to do what they truly love and live a happy life.

“But… you had a girlfriend! And now you’re married!”

“I’m not happy, Clara. Nobody knows about this… the society and the country I’m living in will not accept me.”

“So…are you straight or bi? Why do you marry, then?”

“I’m a bi… It’s just how society goes.”

“Since when did you develop this hobby?”

“Since childhood. I’m a freak.”

My heart breaks. No, you’re not…! We can’t choose what we like to do.

He sends me some photos of him wearing a nightgown, lingerie, dress and high heels. Beautiful, lacey lingeries that women would like to wear.

“Are they belong to your wife?”

“No, I bought them. I hid them… When I’m crossdressing, I feel so happy.”

He also sends me a photo that he created using FaceApp, if he was born as a woman. Gosh, he looks so beautiful!

“You should’ve reacted with your heart. Wish I could, Clara. Help me…”

“I can just inspire you to be real…”

“I’m so happy at least you could achieve what you like.”

He never shares this with anyone. I feel sad for him but at the same time, happy that I could lift a bit of weight from his heart by lending my ears.

Also read: “It’s December Again and It’s Time to Listen to Your Inner Self”
Also read: “You Need to Stop Judging How Female Solo Travellers Fund Their Trips”

Age is Just a Number… for Some People

[UPDATE: We’re no longer dating]

I’m always attracted to older men but it’s not a fetish or a life goal. I never expect that one day I will date a man twice my age!

After sharing my holiday photos, some people start to open up and make confessions. One friend gets so excited when I showed her a photo of my boyfriend.

“Ooh, he’s older than you! Aaaw… Actually… I always want to get married to an older man.”

Eh… but life leads her to her best friend, who is not much older than her, who becomes her husband.

As for me, I don’t want to expect anything… I just pray to God if my boyfriend is the answer to my prayer, that He will bless the relationship 🙂

Let it be done to me according to Your will.

Then, another friend makes a confession that he loves older women.

“More mature, the better. I love their wrinkle… I have a foot fetish too!”

He’s telling me that he adores wrinkles?? When I thought most of us, women, are trying to preserve our youth with anti-aging skincare products… Beauty is truly in the eyes of the beholder.

“Do you have an older woman that you like?”

“Yes, a long time ago. She’s 60 years old and we worked together… I always find excuses just so I could talk to her.”

“Aaaw… what if she likes you too?”

“It’s impossible, right? I was so scared…”

I don’t know how to end this blog post. I just hope that people will be less judging and mind their own business.

I hope people will care less about what others think and do what makes them happy. Like what I and my boyfriend do, especially when people give their confused, mean judgment laser…

“What if he trafficked you? What if he’s not showing his true colours? What if in the future you suffer and nobody helps you?”

Then, at least I die without regret – without having “what ifs” at the back of my mind, haunting me for the rest of my life.